Parshat Vayechi Dvar Torah by Rabbi Eisenberg

I experienced something today that in the moment reminded me of a Rashi that I had always questioned, but never understood until now. At the beginning of Parshat Vayechi, the Torah describes how Yosef agrees to Yaakov’s request and promises to not allow his body to be buried in Egypt. A few pasukim later, at the beginning of the 48th perek, Yosef is notified that Yaakov is dying, and Yosef presents him with his sons, Menashe and Ephraim. In 48:7, Yaakov seemingly randomly reminds Yosef about his mother Rachel’s passing and how he buried her on the road. Rashi goes into detail explaining the different phrases that Yaakov said.

Yaakov says that this happened on his way back from Padan Aram and Rashi comments that he is saying that he understands that he’s asking a big favor from Yosef - to bury him in Eretz Yisrael - even though he had not done the same for Yosef’s mother. In his following comments Rashi adds that Yaakov apologizes for not having taken the little extra effort to get into the city of Bet Lechem, and how it wasn’t due to the weather, because it wasn’t the rainy season. According to Rashi, Yaakov finishes his pitch by saying that he understands that Yosef has a justified claim against him. I never understood why - according to Rashi, Yaakov is seemingly the worst salesman since Efron. If he really wants Yosef to acquiesce, shouldn’t he not point out all of the reasons why Yosef should not help him?

As most of you may know, I unfortunately recently lost my mother, Rachel. It meant so much to me that my students, their parents, and my colleagues reached out to me. One colleague approached me today to apologize for not having made a shiva call, even though she really wanted to. I told her that it was totally fine and I understood that she has younger kids at home, and it would have been difficult. She started to insist that she would have been able to work it out. I told her that driving to my parents’ house is out of the way, to which she responded that she has a friend there whom she could have visited. My initial reaction in my head was, “I’m giving you a way out: why aren’t you taking it?'' I was immediately reminded of the aforementioned Rashis. I think that what Rashi was suggesting about Yaakov is that as a man of emet, a person with integrity, he would not be able to just ask for a favor and slide Yosef’s justified grievances under the rug. It’s impossible for anyone to not have wronged at least one person in their life. We can all do better in our interpersonal relationships. Being a person of truth means being able to own up to the times in which we may have wronged others. 

Yaakov ends up saying that despite the fact that Yosef is justified in being upset, it was all as Hashem had wanted. That it was Hashem’s desire does not override his need to admit to Yosef that he is not guiltless in Yosef’s possible frustrations. Of course, my colleague has her own family and responsibilities to take care of. As a person of integrity, it does not override her "guilt" for not having come. As great as it may feel for others to not have any claim against us, it’s so important that we don’t lose ourselves in an attempt to hide ourselves.

May the Torah we share be a zchut for my mother’s neshama- Chaya Rochel bat Dovid Tzvi.